One of my fellow exchange students is East-German. I should say "German", you say? Well, I would have, if he hadn't emphasized the point himself, and if it wasn't for the following story. Apparently, his father was a bio-engineering researcher during the days of the cold-war. He took part in a space-defence-project, the goal of which was to send out to space satellites which would shoot down missiles aimed at the Soviet Union and its allies. These satellites would be manned by monkeys, who would press a button launching the anti-missile missiles. My friend's father's part of the project was to program these monkeys to press the firing button. Program? Yes, program... I guess hooking up monkeys' brains to electrodes isn't such a new practice of science as I thought... Just how crazy is this world anyway?
To ease my mind, which was deeply disturbed by the thought that somewhere far above my head cruise some forgotten, senile, Parkinson's-stricken monkeys in tattered satellites, feverishly scanning the horizon for that speeding opportunity upon which they will be able to fulfill their lifelong training and press that big, round, red button and launch their purpose of life towards that gigantic blue ball floating below them, following which everything would probably reach its end in a matter of seconds - to ease my mind of this hallucination I went to the public sauna, or, in Korean - the Jim-Jil-Pang. Upon entering I received a correction-facility-like orange clothing and a locker key for my daypack. The public sauna is divided to three main parts: The first is coed (serving both sexes) and is a large, low-ceiling hall of a comfortable temperature, with small rooms branching off it, each of a different extreme temperature, either hot or cold. In the hall and in each room are strewn people on mattresses, sleeping, half-dozing, or simply engaged in a low-tone conversation. The second part is the baths and is not coed, of course... Losing the orange uniform, the naked bodies can choose between several hot or cold pools to bath in, before taking a refreshing shower. Those who are really in here for a treat can get a scraping massage, which will remove more dead-skin than they ever thought possible. The third and last part of the public sauna is the sleeping quarter. Yes, after several hours of melting, freezing, washing and scraping your skin, you can bunk-in for a night's sleep, haunted by vaporous dreams...
Having survived the cold-war and the Jim-Jil-Bang, you are now ready to confront the Korean way of thinking. If you plan on engaging in a profound debate on western and eastern philosophy and tradition, let me disillusion you. Even before you start your engines your mind will be boggled by the Korean logic of the negative-positive reply. Please, bear with me. Suppose, for the sake of illustration, that you ask a question by way of negation, such as "You don't like having a naked man scrape the dead skin off of you in the Jim-Jil-Pang, do you?", and the person in front of you indeed does not like it. A western person would say "No", meaning "No, I do not like it". However, a Korean would reply with a "Yes", implying "Yes, I agree with what you've said, I do not like it". Believe me, it took me quite a few conversations to grasp that small yet incredibly significant twist of logic. But even now that I have, I am still surprised to occasionally find myself trapped in a logical vortice:
- "You don't like ending a night without drinking less than 3 bottles of rice-liquor, do you?"
- "Yes."
- "You do?"
- "No."
- "You don't, then?"
- "Yes."
- "-- You're not making fun of me, are you?"
- "Yes."
- "You are?!?"
- "No."
- "What the --"
More tidbits:
- The are only three major Korean food groups: rice, liquor and rice-liquor.
- Even if you open a new store selling the most top-notch technology products, you might still want to bow to a pig's head to appease the gods.
- If you see a suspicious looking chap, please use the emergency Report-A-Spy number and call 113. Considerable rewards await you.
- Ever wondered who's in charge of keeping your mind clean? No? Then they're probably doing a good job...
2 comments:
An Israeli learning about anti-American Soviet-trained German monkeys in Korea? Honestly, I don't think this will work. Try to simplify things a bit, work a murder or two into the plot and post some pictures of those skirts you mentioned. Then, maybe, we can talk about a contract... I really like reading your posts.
About 14 girls walked up to me at the bar last night and asked me when Elad is coming back. I said that I don't know but I think that it's supposed to be soon. Only like 9 of them were supermodel-hot, the rest were merely attractive. Two were bisexuals.
So what should I tell them? :-)
Really, though, when you gettin' back?
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